Hi, my name is Lauren and I suffer from anxiety. I’m not ashamed of it and I do not let it hold me back (sometimes). If you have read my recent post where I gave an update on my life, you’d understand that I have gone through some MAJOR changes in the last 3 months. Have I been terrified? Oh yes. Has my mental health taken a good beating? Hell yes. Have I let it stop me from being who I want to be? To being with, yes. Now? Not one bit.
For those of you who don’t really know me personally or have just stumbled across this blog – I am a nightmare when it comes to worrying, stress and anxiety. My journey in life for the past year has been a rollercoaster to say the least and I lost all confidence in myself and just wanted to lock myself away from the world.
I had a good spell in life where I had a modelling shoot and that boosted my confidence up and then something happened which brought me back down. This was July last year and it has only been in the last 2 months where I have picked myself up and embrace all that life has to offer.
I say this in every post but applying for university put me in a bad way. I hadn’t wanted something so bad until I was pushed to chase my dream. Even with college and handing in assignments, I am terrible when it comes to getting my grades back. I remember one night I was revising for an exam on Anatomy and Physiology and I was crying my eyes out because I didn’t believe in myself enough. I had missed a lot of college due to car troubles and I had to do most of the work by myself and revise for the exam too. Little did I know, I bossed that exam. I dropped one mark off 100% in my short answered questions.
When it comes to my academic work, it feels like I have this little minion in my head telling me I am going to fail. Right now, he is trapped in a box because I am confident and I know I am going to get the grades I need despite all the trouble I have had.
Same with when me and my ex broke up. We broke up on a Friday, the following Tuesday, I had an exam in Chemistry which is my weakest unit. I opened the paper and had no clue (well I felt like I had no clue). 2 weeks ago, I got those results back and I was sick to my stomach with finding out the grade. I dropped one mark off 100% again. I surprised myself yet again and since then, I haven’t felt anxious about my college work or getting into university. If I can survive a break up which destroyed me completely and boss an exam which I am weakest in, my anxiety WILL NOT get the better of me.
It took a break up, a big realisation, lots of hard hitting honesty from friends and family for me to realise that I am more than what I think. My anxiety is a part of who I am and the people I have surrounded myself with in life understand this. They know I am going have days where I feel worthless and they know I’m gonna have days where I want to be alone. Theres going to be people in life who will drag you down but I’ve learnt (the hard way) not to let this bother you.
So, hi! My name is Lauren and I suffer from anxiety but I am a survivor and I will get the best out of life despite having it.